Pictured above: My beautifully decorated workout/yoga space!!!
People say change is hard. At first glance it would seem that way. That's why all these shows like Intervention, My 600 Pound Life, and my least favorite, The Biggest Loser, are so popular. There's something so gripping about these amazing life transformations!
I'd like to challenge that. After nearly two weeks of trying a flexibility training program that requires students to hold yoga poses for five full minutes at a time, I'm now convinced that changing is infinitely easier than just accepting things as they are in the moment.
When I look deeply into the habits that plague most of us, I've found that at their very essence, they all have something to do with not accepting the current situation. Just a quick search at Amazon's self-help bestsellers supports this. We want to change the environment. Change our thoughts, change the channel in our heads. So we turn to a habit or behavior of choice that feels more comfortable. (I fully understand that everyone's "content" is unique. The experience, in my humble opinion, is pretty universal. This is just my perspective).
Paradoxically, our desire to change things in the moment is what leaves us stuck in habits and behaviors. So when we look on a macro level, it looks like everything is just shit. "Why can't I stop drinking/eating/procrastinating/yelling/being a doormat/fill in the blank?"
Mindfulness is usually touted as the solution. If you can just practice bringing your mind back to the current moment for a few minutes a day, you will be more accepting of whatever is happening in the moment. Here are my issues with it:
There's tons of books, podcasts, apps, and other media that has an expert opinion on what a meditation practice should look like, how long it needs to be, if you should play music or not, if you need to have a special zen space with candles, incense, a $200 cushion, if you need to say a mantra...in the words of that gangster guy from the Home Alone movies, I could go on forever, baby!
It's on every magazine cover, clickbait article and headline available. I was recently reading the Washington Post comics at my in laws' house with my 6 year old, who finds these historical artifacts fascinating. I busted out laughing when I saw a drawing of a woman sitting on a cushion thinking "breathing was so much easier before it got trendy."
I pick up on judginess from some of the "experts." I guess I'm probably missing the whole point by taking offense to what is written. It does get a little exhausting to read these articles that inevitably start out with "In a world where we are swamped with notifications and emails..." or something to that effect. I can't help but mentally scream "I LITERALLY CLICKED A LINK FROM A NEWS FEED TO GET HERE, SO AREN'T YOU PART OF THE PROBLEM?!" Again, just my internal dialogue judging back at the perceived slight. It's really good at that.
I don't have a solution, because this is just a blog, after all. I will just share what I've been learning from focusing on my breathing while stretching my muscles to their (very quickly reached) limit. It does get easier over time. My mind then makes up a bunch of stories about how I "have" to have a regular yoga practice or I'm going to end up sitting on my couch doom-scrolling all day. And then I'll never "fix" my eating habits and my life will never be like all those skinny happy people sitting in a perfect lotus pose on those magazine covers.
I am learning to find comfort in the discomfort, as the Peloton trainers like to say as I'm screaming curse words at them (just ask my kids if they're allowed to talk or listen to Mommy on the bike). I am learning to sit while my mind screams at me that I am literally going to die. Jesus Christ, how much is left on the timer, Alexa? I hate this room, why do my kids make such a mess? Why can't I keep my space clean and ready to be staged for real estate photos at ALL TIMES?! (See pic above for context). I feel like I would do ANYTHING to change the moment I'm in. So that's usually what I do.
Therefore, I hereby posit that change is easy. We do it all the time on the micro level. The real challenge is accepting where we are now. Only then can we have "big" change. Because when the present moment becomes more bearable, that's when we become freer from our mind's stories. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get there. Just don't expect me to invest in a $200 cushion to do it.
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